The stupid, it burns

So I was driving in to town today and I was listening to a Red Sox pre-season game. Kinda odd since it doesn't feel remotely spring-like, as it I think the high temperature today was 32. On the other hand, it does feel like spring in that spring term starts the day after tomorrow. And I'm already so far behind it's pathetic. And frustrating.

Anyway, I heard an ad on the radio for "burn flavored doritos." They are apparently super spicy. Too hot? Not to worry, just wash them down with "pepsi max cease fire." This is diet pepsi that is specially formulated to go well with the burn doritos. Specifically, pepsi cease fire "cools the burn" associated with burn doritos.

My head hurts. First of all, "burn" is not a flavor. It's just not. Something could taste burnt. But burn flavor doesn't make sense. And to the extent it does make sense, it's gross. Second, what's up with the diet pepsi? I suspect that a carbonated beverage would increase the pain, not reduce it. Sour cream or yogurt would be much more soothing.

There is a lot that is horribly wrong in this world.